A few days ago I took a bajaji to an interview I had to conduct away from the office. It was a mighty distance away and with the afternoon traffics in Dar, it took us about an hour to get there. On our way we decided to strike up a conversation, with him doing most of the talking and i doing the listening.
He started speaking of his past relationships and how he messed up a relationship with a good girl and lost her. Promising himself not to ever let that happen again he decided to be true to the next girl who comes into his life. As true to life he finds a young girl (in her early 20's) and dates her for a few months before noticing strange behaviors from her when they were together. For instance, she never agreed to have the lights on when they were "doing it" and never allowed him to look at her womanhood. She did not agree to do it often and agreed only when she was very happy.
At first he let it be, pinning it on shyness or inexperience. However, when she persisted curiosity got the better of him. On a night when she was deep in her sleep he grabbed a torch and decided to see for himself. At this point, even with a disapproving frown I was very curious to hear what happened. Never in my life could I have guessed what he told me. He was shocked to see her features so different and it took him a moment to realise that she had been severely mutilated. More over, he could also see that she had engaged in anal sex. He was distraught.
The following day, without facing her with the truth he consulted his friends at work. Some of them advised him to leave her and some told him to talk to her first and hear her side of the story. Following the latter's advice he ultimately faced her with the truth. At first she denied undergoing FGM or engaging in anal sex. However, when he insisted she opens up, she finally broke down and told him what happened.
Apparently, when she was still very young her parents passed away and she went to live with some distant relatives in the village. Claiming it was a "tribal" custom of the Sandawe women they mutilated her. When she grew up, she came to Dar es Salaam and sooner or later realised that men found her strange and "unattractive." They demanded anal sex and she found that even more tolerant than the regular one. He was even more confused when he found that she was pregnant with their child. He cared for her deeply and since she was expecting his child, he made it official with her.
As it was with any couple, they had their fair share of problems. But when he came to find out that she was cheating on him, that was his limit. He came to learn that earlier on before they met, her relatives had married her off to an older man as a third wife and they had a child together. And even after the man left her and she got married to the bajaji driver, he was one of the men she still saw.
I was curious to learn about what happened to his daughter during all that fiasco.So he told me that he had taken his daughter to live with his mother in the village when she was two. Suzy (the daughter's name) was four when her mother came to take her, which was after the divorce. So she went back to the village with Suzy. When I asked him if he still saw his daughter, I got the shock of my life.
When Suzy went back to the village with her mother, a few months later he got a call that his daughter was seriously sick. He told them to bring her to Dar and he'd take her to the hospital. Since he was employed at a security company then he sent his mother to go to the village and see her as he processed a leave of absence. When the mother got there she found out that Suzy had passed away and they were burying her. What was worse, he came to find out too late that she had died of over bleeding. Suzy, a four year old had undergone FGM and never made it alive. I never knew or met her but I couldn't help the tears.
NO GIRL has to undergo that hell. Even when they survive the mutilation, the torture doesn't stop there. A woman's dignity is stripped off, the scars cause both physical and mental traumas for most of their lives. I kept asking him, "what did you do after that? Did you report them?" And he said he couldn't do anything since he hadn't any evidence.He lost a daughter to FGM and he still felt powerless to do anything about it. How many more are out there undergoing this same inhuman autrocity and still feel powerless? How many more lives should be lost, in death and trauma before we realise how dangerous FGM is?
